• Xanthrax@lemmy.world
    16·
    4 months ago

    This is tangentially related:

    When I was younger, I was in an open relationship with someone. We were high-school sweethearts, and it worked for 6 years. Eventually, we adopted a third person into our relationship and became poly. That went well for a while. Sadly, hard drugs came into the equation, and my original partner was starting to do a lot of shady stuff behind my back. The relationship also started to get abusive. I confided in our new partner, which my old partner didn’t like. We had been together 6 years, and it was hard to break it off immediately. That was the weirdest period of relationship limbo I’ve ever been in my entire life.

    The straw that broke the camels back:

    I was with my current partner, and my ex was calling me non-stop, asking if I was with them. I kept lying and saying no. They called again, and I said, “Please stop calling.” It was then I realized I had answered my current partners phone this time, not mine. I got chewed out for a while by my ex. I’m happy to say that my partner and I have been together 7+ years now, and we’re engaged. Also, now we’re monogamous (because we want to). I still feel like an asshole to this day, though.

    • Wahots@pawb.social
      10·
      4 months ago

      I’m sure there’s people out there who poly works for, but I have yet to meet someone in a poly relationship where everything has worked out long term. It’s a three body problem of sorts. Some of my friends moved and broke up, another is in a struggling relationship with their original partner after opening things up. Lots of fallout and drama… :P

      • fern@lemmy.autism.placeEnglish
        4·
        4 months ago

        I’m sure there’s people out there who monogamy works for, but I have yet to meet someone in a monogamous relationship where everything has worked out long term. It’s a two body problem of sorts. Some of my friends moved and broke up, another is in a struggling relationship with their partner. Lots of fallout and drama…

        I only do this because this situation is the same on the monogamy side. I’ve been poly for 18 years and 90% of “poly” problems are monogamous people mislabelling cheating or swinging as poly without being educated at all on it. There has been less drama by poly people that I’ve seen than any monogamous relationship, though toxic people exist in all relationship formats. You need to consider that a person that is dating 2 people is 2x as likely to break up with someone because there are 2 people, not because there is more drama. A vehicle with 2 wheels is twice as likely to have a tire failure than a vehicle with 1!

        Poly people are usually more open about relationship hiccups, because so much of monogamy is about ignoring short comings, partially because Christianity forced the idea that you can’t leave your partner (and that you were made for each other and there isn’t another that would fit). Once you get past those ideas, suddenly you’re looking for who you want in your life; your standards go up. Traits that were toxic but skimmed over are now deal breakers.

  • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
    103·
    4 months ago

    I’m in an (semi) open poly relationship now. I remember the first time I told my wife I needed some privacy because I was going to do some stuff with an online partner. Her face lit up. She was so excited. The same way someone would look at a close friend excited to gush about a new partner.

    It’s been amazing. There have been rough moments but that’s going to be the case in any relationship.

    This is so disgustingly cute, we were watching The Boss Baby with our partner and (major The Boss Baby spoilers, better look away) at the end Tim realizes that his parents’ love is wide enough for both him and The Boss Baby and, it was such a surreal moment. Watching this goofy movie with this moral that’s weirdly applicable to the situation we’re in.

    • scops@reddthat.comEnglish
      61·
      4 months ago

      She was so excited. The same way someone would look at a close friend excited to gush about a new partner.

      That’s cute. I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years now but while she has had other partners our entire relationship, I’m only now trying to find another partner and truly trying to be poly myself. There’s been a part of my lizard brain that feels like I’m cheating on her, but she’s been super supportive and it’s really helped me stay at the grim task of getting back into the dating field.

      • agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works
        81·
        4 months ago

        Just remember: cheating isn’t bad because you’re sleeping with other people, cheating is bad because you’re betraying the trust of your partner. If you’re open and honest about everything, you’re not cheating.

      • JackbyDev@programming.devEnglish
        5·
        4 months ago

        Dating sucks. My wife was my second partner and we were together nearly 16 years by the time we opened things up. I’d forgotten how crazy dating is. It really unlocks a level of anxiety id forgotten about.