We are normally good at masking bc its expected of us but I am so tired of it. I’m so tired of having to pretend like I’m someone I’m not.
Then when we mess up and let our guard down or make a mistake and accidentally show people we are ND, we get dogpiled or yelled at. It sucks especially bc we sometimes don’t understand social mores, so even when we are confident that we are acting the way NTs expect us to, we can end up wrong and still get yelled at.
It’s awful bc we are never gonna create a more equitable society if we can’t have these types of conversations with NTs. We have to show them that bring ND isn’t an insult, but that’s when we get yelled at or made fun of.
I’m sorry you had to experience that on discord. Unfortunately the internet has become a forum for everyone’s worst behavior. I think this might be a good metaphor or why masking is sort of pushed on neurodivergent individuals. Imagine the impossible task of uniformly cleaning up everyone’s behavior online. It’s probably one of the most persistent issues experienced online. Instead of changing everyone’s behavior, you change your own to avoid those types of uncomfortable situations. It’s the online version of real world masking. It’s unfortunate and really sucks and I wish it was different, but most humans are wired a certain way, and changing that wiring is equivalent to rewiring human nature, and if we could do that, the world would be a much different place.
As to the situation with your wife, I have this issue as a NT living with my NT wife and I don’t know a person alive who doesn’t. You’ll need to evaluate that situation alone because every relationship is different.