I’m male aged 19-22, I have an older brother about 4-5 years older (giving age ranges for better anonymity). Relationship is… not good (read: it’s terrible, horrifyingly terrible, arch-nemesis). How about you?

  • _cerpin_taxt_@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I have two older brothers. One is an unhinged hypochondriac that’s gets off on fighting with people, and the other is a white supremacist. Haven’t talked to either in about 5 years. I have a brown daughter.

  • Rocky60@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    I’m 59 and have a sister who is 61. She went all out Trump Christian years ago and we barely talk

  • VoxelBase@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Two younger sisters. The age difference is quite big, I am 8 years older than one and 13 years older than the other. That’s just a possible side-effect of being born when your parents were VERY young.

    The older of the two I barely speak with, no real animosity we just simply have nothing in common.

    The youngest one I speak with a little bit more often, as we do share some similar personality traits - I see a lot of myself in her from when I was younger.

    The final complication is that I live on the opposite side of the country from them. So no in-person visiting.

  • ArtieShaw@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I have a brother who is younger than me by 6 years. Our upbringing was a bit weird. Our parents basically forbid anything that might cause them inconvenience, irritation, or expense - which was most things that might interest a kid. (No, they’re not religious, which is the first question that everyone asks. They’re just raging assholes who are also a bit stupid. I can’t really explain it much beyond that.)

    In addition to the manipulation and emotional abuse, they rewarded us if we informed on each other. I seldom did. Not through any great virtue or integrity of my own, but because I routinely got punished for the stupid shit he did. For instance, I didn’t tell them when our adult neighbor shot little bro with an air rifle because I knew he would catch absolute hell for being in the position of getting shot with an air rifle. Even if I didn’t catch hell about it, it was miserable to watch him get screamed at. For context on this story - we had been told to stay away from Steve’s yard because Steve was a known psycho with a hatred for neighbor kids. On that glorious summer day, Steve had dropped a $5 bill on his driveway just inside the property line… and was waiting for a kid to come by and be dumb enough to try to pick it up.

    I might actually tell that one at their funeral.

    By contrast, bro was younger and never got any blowback if I was doing something wrong. He actually recorded me talking on the phone with a friend when I was in middle school. He picked up the other line and held one of those shitty '70s tape recorders to the earpiece. Talking on the phone was forbidden and he was collecting proof to use against me. My friend and I weren’t plotting shit, I wasn’t grounded (the concept was foreign because we were never really allowed to go out or do things like talk on the phone anyway), it was just forbidden to talk on the phone.

    I could excuse it when he was eight, but he passed along “dirt” on me well into his late teens and my twenties. He was under pressure from them as well, but he basically shredded any idea of trust between us for far too many times to count. I forgot what the final straw was, but I remember thinking, “I can never confide in this person and feel trust.” In every meaningful way, I’ve ignored him for the last 20 years.

    He’s probably the least shitty thing about family gatherings, but that’s not saying much.

    • bloopernova@programming.dev
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      1 year ago

      I stopped talking to mine when he went batshit because I wouldn’t help him get onto Tor/darkweb. He wouldn’t say why he wanted to access it, and he got angry when I said I didn’t want to get involved.

      Then he accused me of being a “tony blair lover” which is kinda bizarre to me because I don’t live in the UK anymore.

      It was a very strange interaction!

  • buco@lemmy.fmhy.ml
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    1 year ago

    I have a younger brother and a younger sister.

    I don’t really speak to my brother. I see him a couple of times a year when the family gets together but we don’t have anything to talk about anymore. He’s autistic so maybe he can’t help it but he’s impossible to have a normal relationship with. He’s never had a job because he cant be trusted with any kind of responsibility. He can’t stay away from alcohol if it’s available and he can’t handle it at all. It’s always the same when he drinks. First he gets overly excited and it’s very awkward because his whole personality changes. Then he gets easily irritated and gets into arguments about petty stuff nobody cares about, but he just can’t let go.

    He regularly texts family members about how they have let him down when he’s getting drunk at night. He gets way more support than he deserves though. Once he just texted me “I’m sorry” and turned his phone off. Naturally I got worried when I couldn’t reach him so I called mom, she told me not to worry though, turns out he just does that sometimes.

    My sister and I get along much better but I worry she’s losing it. She’s easily the smartest and most socially capable of the three of us but she’s never had a job outside of telemarketing and now she’s too depressed to work at all. We don’t have many relatives but the few we do have have a tendency to end up alone, bitter and severely unhealthy as they get old, and it’s starting to seem like that’s where she’s heading.

    I’m very worried they’re both gonna come ask me for money when our parents are gone.

  • NewWorldOverHere@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I appreciate that everyone doesn’t have perfect relationships with their siblings.

    Growing up, my parents made me feel horrible for having a bad one with my sibling. As though there was something wrong with me.

    To this day, I carry a lot of shame around it, as in, how can I expect to have healthy relationships with friends and professional relationships at work if I couldn’t even manage one with my sister?

    So, thank you all for making me feel less like an anomaly.

    • Edgedancer_Knight@kbin.social
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      1 year ago

      Looking at my parents and their siblings (varying degrees of almost no contact to some contact with one exception that is good), and looking at my sibling (really good), it has nothing to do with you. It’s just, two people that shared an environment growing up, and those two people can be close or not.

      I feel very grateful for my sibling, but that’s just it. We happen to have the personalities that match.

      It’s not your fault.

      • NewWorldOverHere@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        That’s a very even way of looking at it. I can’t tell you how much that perspective means to me, and how much that makes sense.

        I think that’s the lens I’ll try to embrace when I look at our relationship moving forward.

  • pinwurm@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I have an older brother by 4-5 years.

    We didn’t really get along when we were young. Fought over things - games, TV remote, CD player, etc.

    But when he left for college, we grew closer. He still lived nearby, and my folks encouraged us hanging out. It was sort of an escape. Home life wasn’t great, and he and his friends were fun. He was around for a lot of my pivotal life moments. When I finally got to college, I moved in with him as roommates. Worked well.

    We’re friends, basically. We have very different personalities - but we understand each other very well.

    Now we live in different cities, hours apart. He’s married with a kid. I’m married and childfree. We see each other a few times a year. We text and call regularly.

    I guess in this sense, I’m quite lucky.

  • Today@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Only child, but i have a BIL. He’s an alcoholic asshole. I feel bad that I’m not closer with my niece and nephew. I know they could use some reasonable, loving adults in their lives.

  • lps2@lemmy.ml
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    1 year ago

    Older sister by the same age range as yourself, OP. As kids we fought, when she made it to college we became closer, when she entered adulthood things got strained as she and my family did not approve of my SO (they were right, she was terrible), and once we were both adults we are friendly. We don’t really have much in common as she very much lives a “Leave It To Beaver” type life (kids, house in the burbs, stay at home mom) and my SO and I are DINKs, do extreme sports like rock climbing and backcountry ski/splitboard, and have no plans to have kids (vasectomy on the horizon). So we keep in touch but don’t connect on a lot of things besides our shared family members / updates on my nephews

  • elsif@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    I’m the oldest. I have a younger sister and brother.

    We’re all close and extremely comfortable with each other, but they’re closer with each other than me, given their closeness in age.

    I don’t live at home with them anymore, but our relationship always feels natural and picks up where it left off even after being away for so long. I think we’ve been fortunate in that we’ve never felt to the need to compete with each other, and I think of them as a constant in my life that that I can always count on

    Edit: removed some age info

  • jmp242@sopuli.xyz
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    1 year ago

    I have a younger sister, and we pretty much get along great. We live next door to each other (and near other family and friends), and her and her husband and I tend to go on trips semi frequently. We text frequently, and hang out etc.

  • SharkEatingBreakfast@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    I have 9 other siblings, ranging in age from 27 to 48 years old (I think… it’s hard to keep track lol)

    My relationships with them all border on good/tolerable. We are very fortunate to be on good terms, despite our very very different beliefs.

    I think it stems from the fact that we were never raised with malice/anger being an option in our home. Frustrated? Yes. Very much. But we were never hateful. There was always someone to bond with, and no one ever felt singled-out.

    It also helps that we all like our space and were mostly respectful and understanding of that aspect as we grew up. It can be a bit difficult for all of us to make friends who “get” us like our family does, so letting loose at get-togethers is always fun and hilarious.