I dont know if its “for men”, but im a man:

Consistent workout schedule - sering progress in strength, stamina and appearance is extremly good for me.

I claimed the kitchen - after work, i shop for dinner, then throw the family out of the kitchen and cook - nice me-time and makes you a better cook.

Talking to a therapist when i feel i need it and 20mg of citalopram per day for my depression.

Some days I just need to get stoned and have a wank.

1: Walking home from work, timing it to go throughthe park at twilight, right on the edge of dark when your colour vision goes on the fritz and the chrominance is greater than the luminance. The grass bleeds colour but not light in a weird un-glow, and somehow it’s always cool and extra quiet. Does a body good. You never get any time in the dark that isn’t sleeping, you realise that? You never just experience the dark, it’s lights full-blast until you turn your brain off, and then back to the glare when you get up again.

2: To that end: take a shower in the dark, preferably pitch dark if you can manage it. Work out in advance where the taps/soap/towel is, and just go through the whole process as you normally would. It’s… weirdly sensual, and deeply, deeply relaxing.

3: Brown noise and rain nose together. simplynoise.com now wants to sell you shit, and hell with that - but head over to https://onlinetonegenerator.com/noise.html and select Brown noise. In another tab, head over to rainymood.com. You’ll want decent headphones for this, earbuds won’t do it justice.

4: Going to nude beaches. Not to gawk at people (seriously terrible venue for that in every respect), but to just wander around, bollocks waving in the breeze, and nobody even blinks. Someone else wanders past, tits akimbo, and you don’t even blink. Nobody cares, we just aren’t doing that right now, and when your brain realizes this, it’s the equivalent of taking your boots off after a long day. No social mask, you aren’t maintaining a posture wrt other people, there’s no eyeline politics, you can just be, and oh my fucking god you didn’t know you needed this. Also, swimming naked is like showering without socks on by comparison - and when was the last time you got direct sunlight on your balls?

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Most days I have a shower and get dressed. Makes me feel like I’m able to take care of myself.

As dumb and simple as it sounds, I’ve been enjoying walking. I walk the dog, even when it’s not my turn. I take a longer route sometimes, just to have some peace. Sometimes I listen to a podcast, sometimes music, sometimes nothing. Having space where no one is asking me things, I’m doing something healthy for my body and mind, and my best furry companion is enjoying it, too.

I think self care is best when it’s simple, low maintenance/energy, and not negative. Sure, some other responses are “a whiskey, a smoke” or whatever, but those are indulgences/luxuries. I think it’s good to have those things occasionally, but that’s not truly taking care of yourself. Something unhealthy for the body but pleasurable isn’t caring for yourself, in the best way.

travel alone if you have the means. go to your schedule, stop where you want, do what you want to do.

if thats not possible, alone time in general, just go for a walk. or a ride. enjoy being in a place and moment, whatever that is

Being outside

Playing some games alone

Sex

Jack off

Weight lifting and bodyweight exercises.

I have a cheap bench press and do a limited amount of exercises once or twice a week. It’s boring and repetitive.

But all those little bits add up.

Even though I’m often severely depressed, I have managed to keep going. I stop for a week or two, but then I restart. And I am reminded of that when I look in a mirror or I catch someone 'mirin. Even now when I’m getting older. I’ll have a better body at 50 than I did at 20. I don’t look like the terminator, but I look better than most guys my age.

I have a couple of degrees, but I’m less proud of those. I sometimes regret going to uni, many people have a degree, being able to study is often a result of luck (parents, money), and it is something young you did. My body is something I have accomplished over years and years of repeated (if small) effort.

During the summer months, I try to get in a few sessions a week of reading in the hammock with a cold drink. It’s a challenge to fit it in after work and before dinner, and some days are too hot, or rainy, or smoky, or the neighbors are loud, etc, but when I can make it work, even for a half hour or so, it’s a little slice of paradise just for me that keeps me sane.

I have yet to find an equivalent for the winter, but I won’t deny that I’ve measured for hooks to hang the hammock in the bedroom…

Doing regular excersise - I got into running and it really showed me how powerful excersise can be. Always improves my day, even if its going good, running makes it better.

A few things:

1. Writing down five things I’m grateful for. Actually I was doing this every day earlier this year when I was depressed. Don’t just bullshit it. Write down what you’re looking forward to that day, or things that you are appreciating. It will encourage you to appreciate more, to slow the fuck down and live a peaceful life.

2. Blogging/Journaling. I have been blogging on a wordpress blog but haven’t shared the URL with anyone, not even my spouse. It’s so helpful just to organize my thoughts and is helping me get in touch with my emotions instead of suppressing them.

3. Two lists. I keep two lists that I refer to frequently. One is my to-do list, which I have organized in Notion. When I can see that I am getting shit done, and more importantly, I have a system for prioritizing what shit gets done, I feel better about my life. The other and arguably more important list is my anti-productivity list. My just for me list. My shit I like to do list. Take out the feelings of your parents, your partner, your friends. Be selfish for a damn minute. Write down the things that truly make you happy. And make sure you do something on that list at a minimum once a week.

For me some of those things include:

<List>

1. Long showers during the spring time with the windows/doors open so a breeze can come in.
2. Smoking a cigar in the bathtub with a glass of scotch.
3. Watching Studio Ghibli movies.
4. Watching my favorite movies in general. “Midnight In Paris”, “Lady and the Tramp”, “Lloyd’s of London”, “Jab Tak Hai Jaan”.
5. Going home to visit with my relatives.
6. Chinese hot pot
7. Going to the movie theater
8. Creative writing like I did as a kid. No pressure to produce anything great. Just write and tap into that joyful creativity.
9. Going to a craft beer brewery
10. Getting a massage
11. Playing MTG with my cousin and brother
12. Playing Kingdom Hearts
13. Cooking some comfort food
14. A nice road trip with the windows rolled down and no destination in mind.

</ End List>

4. Meditate. Look I’m not a crunchy person. But just focusing on box breathing / basic breath work at the end of every day has helped me tremendously. I think everyone should do it. It is physically proven that deep breathing done in the right way physically calms you down.

1. Good quality shampoo and bodywash, feels good, smells good, lasts longer
2. Beard butter, wax or oil, take care of your beard, make it softer, and smell good
3. Nice everyday cologne
4. Hikes
5. Bikes

“For men” feels a little reductive, I don’t mind painting my nails on occasion, listening to an audio book.

A nice walk in heavy rain with big droplets does wonders, shoutout for the pluviophiles. Or sitting in a quiet spot of nature and taking in the ambience.

Sometimes it’s as simple of having a cold beer and relaxing on the sofa with a good book or playing some couch co-op with my partner.

Meditate, go outaide everyday for atleast 2h, take cold showers and be outside once a week with nothing to bother you at all, leave your cellphone at home, use this time to think or not think at all.