I used to live in a place that was supposedly progressive. rah rah gay marriage and everything. But there was still a performance of normativity that was expected above everything else. Lesbians are fine as long as they’re perceivably afab and gay is good as long as you’re a bear. Otherwise people make it your problem in your professional life.

I’d say if you’re trying to judge the safety in your community look at who isn’t tolerated and the actual price of not being tolerated. It’s usually a little steeper than “people might not like me”