I like tea. I take tea seriously. I spend way too much time, money, and effort on tea.

That being said … insufferable snobbery is met with a war crime.

• Microwave a mug of water with a lipton tea bag in it. Allow to steep at boiling for way too long – we want all of the tannins.
• Add a little baking soda “to make it sweeter”. Call this step “a secret real tea enthusiasts use to unlock the flavor”.
• Ask if they want milk, lemon, or sugar. Provide imitation lemon juice (from a bottle), non-dairy creamer, and aspartame.
• Ask if they want a little salt. Act confused at their confusion.
• Take a sip and call it “a proper cup of English tea.”