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Cake day: July 9th, 2023

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  • Perhaps the closest term is “cognitive dissonance.” I don’t think current usage best fits your description, although the original event that inspired the term certainly does.

    https://www.simplypsychology.org/cognitive-dissonance.html

    Cognitive dissonance was first investigated by Leon Festinger, arising out of a participant observation study of a cult that believed that the earth was going to be destroyed by a flood, and what happened to its members — particularly the really committed ones who had given up their homes and jobs to work for the cult — when the flood did not happen.

    While fringe members were more inclined to recognize that they had made fools of themselves and to “put it down to experience,” committed members were more likely to re-interpret the evidence to show that they were right all along (the earth was not destroyed because of the faithfulness of the cult members).











  • It really depends on the kind of buses I think.

    I did a lot of traveling in South America and it was a great way to see different countries. A lot of the buses were pretty luxurious with 180 degree reclining seats, meals and bus attendants to give your blankets and things. You could rest comfortably during the night trips. I also met some interesting people along the way. Some trips were horrible too, but at least I have the stories.

    I probably wouldn’t do it in the US. Don’t know about other countries.

    Can you actually extend the trip and stay at some hotels/hostels or something along the way? If the buses are comfortable, and you have the time and budget, i think it would be great to visit three different countries, enjoy the foods and sites, meet people along the way, and have that time by yourself to do whatever you want.



  • Love takes many forms. Caring for someone without the expectation of a benefit you want is a form of love. If my wife came down with MS and we could no longer have sex, I would still love her, respect her and admire the mother and life partner that she is. I would also be upset that I couldn’t have sex any more.

    I personally would try to figure out the following, with or without professional help:

    • Why is she depressed? She is going through a lot. She is probably scared you are going to abandon her when she needs someone the most. She may also hate the situation that you are in because of her illness. She is also probably angry at the world that she has to suffer this. She is also probably worried for her child and feels guilty that she can’t give her more. There are so many feelings she has to process, it may be easier to just shut down.
    • If you remove the expectations of sex with her, would you be willing to stay with her as a caring and respectful partner and mother to your child?
    • You might explore non-monogamy. That’s going to be a complicated conversation, but maybe something your wife is willing to explore. Just ensure it takes into consideration all the issues in the first point.

    A good mother and partner is so hard to find. Love can take many forms. Don’t feel limited in your choices if you can make other options work out.