I might be a bit late to the comment section here, but I figure throwing in another point of view couldn’t hurt. It sounds to me like your friend feels like she was dismissed. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and I know how it feels to be dismissed all too well. She probably has a ton of thoughts and emotions going through her head rn so she probably feels very vulnerable and overwhelmed.

I don’t think the actual diagnosis should be what you focus on at all at this point in time. I think it would be best if you focus on the fact that she thinks there’s a very strong possibility that she does and the emotions something like that might bring out for someone who’s coming to that realization at 34 yo. The biggest question for me when I was diagnosed was “what would my life have been if I were diagnosed as a child?” That’s something I still think about from time to time, but with much less intensity than I did at first. I also had some resentment towards the adults in my life who weren’t able to notice the clear symptoms I showed as a kid. There was honestly so much running through my head once I took my ADHD medication and was finally able to function the way I assume neurotypical people are accustomed to. It was extremely overwhelming. If she ends up with an ADHD diagnosis and is prescribed meds then she’s orobably gonna need just as much support after receiving the diagnosis as she does rn.

I don’t think you should bring anything I just mentioned up to her, just thought it might be helpful to give you some perspective. She should have the opportunity to come to any realization she might have in the future on her own or with the help of a trained professional. If I was in her situation, all I’d want from a friend is for them to be there for me and to feel like my thoughts and concerns have been really heard and taken into consideration. You can say something like, “I don’t think I reacted the way I should have when you told me you’re seeking an ADHD diagnosis. If you wanna talk about it with me again then please don’t hesitate to reach out. I promise I’ll be here to just listen to your valid thoughts and concerns in the future. I’m also here for any other type of support you think might make things stressful. Just lemme know how I can be the best possible friend I can be, you deserve it”

I’m assuming you’ll be able to know what you should take from what I just said, what you should tweak, or if you shouldn’t take any of what I just said at all. Just try to keep in mind that she’s probably in a vulnerable place rn and if she’s a very empathetic person in general then I would really try to avoid a formal apology. You wanna keep the focus on her as much as possible, the last thing you wanna do is make her feel a bit guilty for getting frustrated the first time she reached out to you. Some specific words I also try to avoid when offering support to someone are “need” and “help”. I think you should try to make sure she knows without a doubt that you’re offering support (not help) and it’s bc you want to, not bc she needs it. Your goal from here on out should be to validate her emotions and let the professionals do their thing when it comes to the diagnosis.

As for what she said about “good” professionals - all that tells me is that she is one smart cookie. I realized a long time ago that most people aren’t very good at their job. It unfortunately took way too long for me to realize that healthcare professionals are certainly no exeption. I’m also in the states and most of them here are overworked to the point where it’s impossible for them to provide the amount of care their patients deserve. I’ve become really good at spotting red flags on websites and during intake sessions too. Feel free to PM me if you think I could be of any assistance to you and your friend.

You will not be getting an invite to my next BBQ.

Their employer hasn’t made any investment if the employees have only been studying during downtime.