I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.
I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.
These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.
As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.
I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?
I think a big part of it is that when we are young, all of these are new experiences to us. And as such, they carry a lot more emotion and stimulation.
As an adult, you’ve experienced many things. To some degree, your brain is likely acustomed to it.
Something that helps is breaking out of your routines and experiencing new things. I’ve heard our neural pathways described as the grooves that form on a hill when sledding. When you first slide down the hill, you’re making brand new grooves. Each trip is different and unique. But over time, trails get established and you end up using the same worn trails over and over.
Experiencing new, bespoke things is like breaking out of the trails and making a new one.
At least, that’s my understanding! I’m not a proffessional, just someone who can relate to what you’re describing :)
I think one of the reasons people like having kids, is because they can see the world through there eyes. Everything you’ve already experienced numerous of times, they get to see for the first time and relay there joy to you. And you get to show them. Ignoring the depressing reality, painting a picture of the world like it once felt to you.
Yep. Each time you perform the same action, say the same words, think the same thoughts the connection of the neural pathways responsible for those things are strengthened. It is why depression and anxiety and other mental issues are so hard to reverse. It is possible though. I urge anyone who thinks they have depression to look up a book called “The Upward Spiral.” It is co-written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist and was really eye opening for me on the inner workings of the brain when it comes to depression and anxiety and has helped me at least start on a path to making myself better.