I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.
I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.
These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.
As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.
I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?
I’m sure it also has something to do with that when you get older, you’ve had those experiences many more times than as a child. They just don’t feel that specia anymore.l
Wow, that rings brutal, but true. “Childlike wonder” is truly special.
This is also why days feel faster as you age. More repetition and your brain doesn’t need to form as much new memories.
Want to live longer? Experience more novelty!
Fully recommend the psychedelics BUT it’s not for everyone.
Practice mindfulness through meditation.
Psychedelics do what that does but does so through explosive force, lol.
Mindfulness is so fundamentally critical to feeling alive again. That breeze still exists. The sound of the cicadas buzzing away is still there. The scent of rain still permeates.
Meditation isn’t going “ohmmmmm🧘”. It’s a practice of clearing your mind, and living through your senses. Discerning your existence through means other than thought.
When you were a kid, you didn’t have the capacity to only think like you do now. You were jumping between thought and raw sensory analysis. You were both free and grounded through your senses.
It’s about finding a balance that as a kid you couldn’t obtain, and that as an adult you have forsaken.
Good luck friend. Just know that you can get back to that.
Edit: I’d like to add that you practice until it’s second nature, and you become much more aware as a result. You won’t need to stop to smell those roses - they will grab your attention.
I’ve occasionally referred to psychedelics as ‘microwave Buddhism’
It’s do with living in the moment vs spending your time thinking about what you did or worrying about what the future might bring, IMHO.
We become way more prone to spend our time doing things like thinking about stuff we did (and how we miss it if it was good or could’ve done it better if it was bad) and worrying about what the future can bring (and not necessarily in grand terms: somethingas simple as “I have to get a haircut” which then goes one to “when will I have the time”, then “but I need that time for X” and so on) as we grow older.
You absolutelly can still have some moments of wonder (for things as simple as how a cobweb looks with droplets of morning mist on it) but you need to be present there in mind also, not just in body, and not to not let some memory or concern rush in to take your mental attention away from the now.
I had a point in my life with a ton of anxiety and ended up learning Mindfulness (which is simply to try and not say anything to yourself in your mind, which is surprisingly hard to do for more than a few seconds) to stop the feeling (if you’re not constantly looking back to something bad or fearing for something bad in the future you don’t feel anxious about those things) and as a side effect I ended up with the habit of being more often present in the moment and that’s how you just enjoy little wonders when you come across them.
Still, it’s nowhere at the level one has as a kid.
Getting to the point in life where you realize how the sausage is made, packaged, marketed, distributed, sold, cooked, consumed, digested, defecated, flushed, mixed with other waste, and either separated into solids and liquids or dumped into the ocean will do that to you.
There is definitely nothing wrong with you. There’s a reason the phrase “childlike wonder” exists. It’s normal for the newness and novelty of everything to amaze a child, and it’s normal for experiences to become routine to adults. Even if you do experience something new, there’s a very good chance that it’s similar enough to something you’ve experienced before. Brains are designed to find patterns and relate things back to past experiences as part of a survival instinct.
But there is also nothing wrong with people who don’t have the experience I described above. The above experience is probably more common for people with neurotypical brains. I’ve never been able to relate to “not feeling” or “feeling less”, even though it seems to be quite common. My feelings are always a live wire, dialed up to 100 (and honestly, I’m over people - including doctors - telling me how nice that must be). But there’s nothing “wrong” with my brain. It just functions differently, with different strengths and weaknesses. It’s like comparing a car and a motorbike. They have different driving sensations, require different skill sets and safety precautions, but they’re both vehicles that will get you from A to B.
Yeah, it is normal, but it also sounds like depression.
Due to climate change, there are less roses to smell. You could just be coping with the fact that you are aware of more pressing issues nowadays.
Are farts still funny? Then you’re good
For real though, you might be depressed. Talking to a therapist could help suss that out.
That is an ingenius litmus test!
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I think being depressed is perfectly natural when being on this planet. But since it makes your life worse, it’s important to know how to think about something else so you don’t feel sad all the time (which is natural considering how shitty it all is). Human leaders are at a very primitive stage of mental evolution and we all suffer because of that.
I get excited about computers and tech so I focus a lot on that in my life. You need to find something that feels fun and exciting despite the world being shit. Also I stopped watching news like 15 years ago and I’m ignorant now of all the things that happen every day. Feels better.
I used to think it was foolish to be disconnected from the news and current events, but now I think the opposite is true.
It’s much better for mental health at least. You won’t know about all the stuff that happens every day, but I feel like it’s all useless knowledge anyway.
You will start to feel disgusted by those people on the TV. News anchors, presidents, celebrities, fed chairman’s or whatever it is. They are all inside the matrix 100%.
I think there’s definitely something healthy behind the idea that depression is actually a fairly natural or reasonable state, however hard and painful it can be. Especially for anyone that wants to be mindful of the danger of psychopaths or sociopaths who are probably the types of people that seem oddly immune or unable to understand or empathise with depression.
Otherwise, I’ll just say that a “second childhood” can be a thing (as far as I can tell), where all of the concerns of middle age fade away and we’re forced to wrestle, naively perhaps, with the sheer reality of existing.
My therapist said to me the other day that anxiety is the brain’s survival mechanism and depression is “Safe mode.” It’s so hard in the modern world for most people to find the in between because there is so much to give us anxiety and make us feel like we are in danger and so of course since the body always seeks homeostasis, depression is sure to follow. It’s like an up and down Rollercoaster with no end.
If you read up on how our brains age, it’s basically pruning neuron branches. While this is a good thing up to a point, the pruning process continues well past our brains’ peak performance because evolution is done with you at that point, I.e. you had your kids by then.
I think a big part of it is that when we are young, all of these are new experiences to us. And as such, they carry a lot more emotion and stimulation.
As an adult, you’ve experienced many things. To some degree, your brain is likely acustomed to it.
Something that helps is breaking out of your routines and experiencing new things. I’ve heard our neural pathways described as the grooves that form on a hill when sledding. When you first slide down the hill, you’re making brand new grooves. Each trip is different and unique. But over time, trails get established and you end up using the same worn trails over and over.
Experiencing new, bespoke things is like breaking out of the trails and making a new one.
At least, that’s my understanding! I’m not a proffessional, just someone who can relate to what you’re describing :)
I think one of the reasons people like having kids, is because they can see the world through there eyes. Everything you’ve already experienced numerous of times, they get to see for the first time and relay there joy to you. And you get to show them. Ignoring the depressing reality, painting a picture of the world like it once felt to you.
Yep. Each time you perform the same action, say the same words, think the same thoughts the connection of the neural pathways responsible for those things are strengthened. It is why depression and anxiety and other mental issues are so hard to reverse. It is possible though. I urge anyone who thinks they have depression to look up a book called “The Upward Spiral.” It is co-written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist and was really eye opening for me on the inner workings of the brain when it comes to depression and anxiety and has helped me at least start on a path to making myself better.
I don’t know about normal, but I have more than 50 years and not jaded yet - the dish soap making bubbles still delights me, the beautiful sky makes me stop and stare, the smell of the night blooming jasmine, the world is just so incredible I don’t know how anybody can really get used to it. Like, the fact that you get to exist at all, with consciousness and a physical body, it’s not something I can take for granted.
Now if you mean am I more busy or distracted now? I think again the answer is no but I didn’t like childhood and have enjoyed being an adult.
I would suggest a dream journal and trying to lucid dream, if your waking self has lost its sense of wonder
the dish soap making bubbles still delights me
I’m guilty of being an old-ass adult and buying myself a disney bubble machine when I saw it on the spot for myself (and the dogs).
Try LSD. It’s like being a kid again.
Or mushrooms.
Ops not joking. It literally allows your brain to create new pathways instead of being stuck with the same boring bullshit that repeats in daily life.
Just make sure you dose right and teach yourself in a proper way instead of taking what some friend hands you to “tRiP bAlLzzz, mannn”. Treat it like medicine.
Couldn’t agree more, I use psychadelics a few times a year, and nothing brings be to that same feeling OP was describing like LSD or mushrooms. Some of the best conversations and experiences I’ve ever had agave been on psychedelics, I laugh till I cry almost everytime I’ve done them. have had bad trips in my life, but I feel like Set and Setting are hugley important as well as having respect for the drug. Overall highly recommend.
I came here to say that as well. Or, as @vd1n says, mushrooms. It really helps remind you that the world is wondrous, and even after it’s over, it makes it easier to see the joy in everything.
I never did mushrooms and only did LSD like 5 times. But one time I contemplated the multitude of grass types when laying down on a meadow. Another time was on a short mountain trip, landed at a tourist shelter, there was a melody in all the kitchen noises. Also observing the tiny ecosystem at the riverside is something I will never forget. I don’t have this kind of patience or ability to being fascinated with the mundane normally.
Things can’t be fresh and new(ish) experiences forever. Welcome to entropy of the mind. However, there are always more fresh experiences out there for you to marvel at, you just have to find them.
Do shrooms that feeling will come right back
I was going to suggest that, but wanted to see if any other people would. It has helped me anecdotally, and many other people. There are studies being done at universities that prove psilocybin help with mental and behavior issues.
Obviously don’t just take my word for it. Look into it. Have a trip sitter or someone experienced that can talk you through your thoughts if you need it.
yeah, as long as you treat the experience with the respect it deserves it’s beneficial, people get into trouble with it when they mix it with other drugs or just take it with no considerations
Reach ego death and that feeling will go away forever.
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Even that wears off youngling.
