Short answer, no, you’re not married to him.

Even when it would have been your brother, then still no, legally. Morally, maybe, when you know it will help him recover, not stay in trouble longer. (So I can understand your mother, a tad)

I’d try to talk to your parents about it, how can you help your uncle without dumping cash in a bottemless pit, as doing so did prove not to solve the issue. (Else your mother wouldn’t have to bail him out on a yearly base)

When you all see no way out, you could try to at least help his kids, support them with stuff they need, help them develop, eat, repair or replace goods, but no cash. Big chance cash would end up at your uncle anyway.

It’s tough, but you’re only obliged to help your partner when married and your kids when under age, or do the best you can for direct family (parents, brother/sister or your own kids when legally independant), but within reasonable limits.

Help primarily your mother in this situation, she is your father’s (primairy) and your (secondary) responsability, your uncle isn’t.

I’m guessing here but I think you are asking this question in a cultural space that is pretty far removed from your own.

From a super individualistic Western perspective everyone seems to be saying fuck no, cut off the rot, look after yourself.

In many other cultures, the family unit remains extremely strong throughout life and the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.

I watched some Vietnamese school friends of mine go from fresh off the boat with nothing, to owning half of the businesses in their town as well as MASSIVE generational wealth that will never go away.

They spread like a beautiful, productive fungus across their suburb by working together. First they all lived in one house, some worked, some started businesses. ALL of the money coming in paid off that house quickly, then they had two houses. Repeat the same again. Now they have 3 houses, all paid for. Now some money goes in to private schools for all the kids, university for all the kids. Now the kids are culturally obligated to contribute to the scheme with their high paying jobs as doctors and pharmacists.

The Vietnamese bakery in the small set of local shops has now bought out the butcher and the video store, the video store has become a pharmacy owned by the first two graduated children, then they bought the grocery store and the nail salon. Then they bought more profitable businesses in town: drive-through liquor stores and tobacconists.

We’re already talking millions of dollars per year of income. 3 houses has become 13 houses. Each Vietnamese family unit now has a house of their own and they are all paid for. The rest are rental income to add to the stack. They financially support their local temple, and they pay to bring more and more family members over who rapidly become productive members of the scheme.

At this point, they are unstoppable and it’s all because they were prepared to work together and endure that short term pain of overcrowded shared dwellings and give 100% of their income to the cause. Now they will all live comfortable lives together and have a myriad of passive income streams. The old people are taken care of, those who fall on hard times are taken care of.

I guess what I am saying is, on the surface it seems extremely unfair - but it sounds like you are part of a cultural support system that would absolutely catch you if you fall.

Further still, you are not being charged any rent or living expenses. Being able to save 50% of your income is not normal for 99% of people so you are already feeling the benefit of that safety net.

If you don’t feel like it’s for you and you want to get out of it I say that’s fine, you’re not bound to anyone. But if that is how you feel then you should immediately move out and truly go it alone.

I’d just warn you that many Westerners see the wisdom in the system you seem to have and wish that their own family unit could be so strong and cohesive. We really can accomplish a lot more together than we can as individuals.

This sounds like a complicated situation. I am sorry you have to deal with this.

Is there an alternative where you could help your nieces/nephews with things to improve their situation without giving money to Uncle Moneypit?

Dealing with family money things is not fun.

This kind of question is what AmITheAsshole is for. So far our Lemmyverse AITA is all bot-mirrored content from Reddit. You ought to cross-post this question over there.

She is hurting her brother by treating him as a child. Some people are lucky and can get those skills from their parents. Others aren’t so lucky but can learn the skills if they encounter the natural consequences of their choices.

But when someone steps in to prevent that encounter with natural consequences, they basically make the person stuck in that immature state.

The poor guy is screwed until your mother develops a moral backbone and does the actual right thing, instead of the thing that feels nicest.

I’d say no. You are not your mother’s brother’s keeper. Now, if you want ease your your mind, or try to repair the damaged relationship. Or to give this guy a chance to improve his situation, you could offer to pay off the loan as a one time only, never again, doesn’t matter if they become homeless or will starve to death thing. But don’t give them money to pay it off, you go with them to the loan place and pay it off directly. Then you can say you gave them a chance to turn things around, it’s up to them at that point what they do. We all make mistakes, and sometimes need a hand to get out from under a bad situation. But if we keep putting ourselves into the fire, at some point we deserve the burns.

You are not obligated, no, it is entirely up to you. Of course there will be consequences of not giving money, just as their will be consequences of giving money. You have to weigh one against the other to determine which will have the outcome you want most. Less cost but angry mother, or happy mother but higher cost. Helping uncle’s family but stressing your own finances, vs not helping your uncle’s family but not stressing your own finances.

I think there are also some other factors you could consider. Is your uncle’s financial situation something that he got himself into and could have avoided or could get himself out of by making better decisions, or is it an unfortunate situation outside of his control that he is struggling with through no fault of his own? Is there a way you can help him become more financially stable in the future so he no longer needs help, or would it be an endless cycle that ultimately wouldn’t do either party any good and would just allow the problem to persist indefinitely? Does your uncle need an intervention of sorts, or does he just need enough support to get back on his feet? Are there financial institutions or other forms of official aid that can offer him support and options so that you don’t need to step in? Can you possibly help him find a higher income job so he can support himself, instead of just offering money? If your uncle is just bad with money, can he be taught how to better save? Could he benefit from a financial advisor? Etc, etc.

I don’t even know if there is a country where you are obligated to financially support a parent or even a brother under any circumstance.

If you support a parent or a direct sibling, it is only because you want to do it and, as others have said, should be done only if it’s financially possible for you without sacrificing your wellbeing, decent living condition and future.

My dad left my mom when I was around 6 years old (I’m in my early 30 now), that person is just related with me by “blood” but he never supported me or my mom financially or in any other way. If he came to me now asking for any type of help, I would refuse without question. On the other hand, I owe everything I am to my mother, she sacrificed everything to give me the best path she could by herself. She is now close to retirement and in my country there is no way to live off savings or pension due to very hi inflation, so I will support her from that point forward in every way I can, but this is only because I feel that doing so is a way to be grateful of her taking care of me on her own and I want to give her back now that I’m able to.

How is he not financially stable? Does he work a low wage, spend beyond his means, etc? Id base my decision off of that. If he’s making decent money but spending it all maybe I’d help with building a budget and evaluating expenses to see where all the money is going. If a low age maybe helping update his resume and looking for a better paying job that matches his skillsets

Perhaps what i neeed is a brainwash method, not money.

I don’t thing money can solve the problem.

No.

I don’t fundamentally believe people should be forced into supporting their dead-end relatives just because they happen to be related. I have one, but I also have my own life and I personally can barely afford my own problems.