I’ve always made up a person to fit in. Masking has taken a toll and I hate the person I’ve pretended to be. That person is boring, polished, and an over achiever. Since.I was punished severely on a daily basis at 4 years old and afterwards, my true self never was known to me. Only my self who could survive.

Where do we find our unmasked real self after reaching “the big one” burnout? When your braim stops working, you’re no longer functional, and the person you made can no longer be sustained, what do you do?

I’m in my 40s and it’s rough.

  • surewhynotlem@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    22 days ago

    We all act differently around different people

    You’ve just internalized the problem and called it normal. You shouldn’t need to be different around different people. That’s exhausting and most people don’t do that. That’s the neurodivergent coping mechanism.

    • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
      2·
      21 days ago

      You’ve just internalized the problem and called it normal. You shouldn’t need to be different around different people. That’s exhausting and most people don’t do that. That’s the neurodivergent coping mechanism.

      No, literally every human being does do this, whether they’re aware of it or not. We are very social species that is extremely sensitive to the group we’re in and the social context. From the most neurotypical normie to entirely nonverbal autistic people, we all have different sides

      Do you think people are masking when you bring a dog or a baby into a room and they act differently? Is it masking to act professionally at work? Do you think you really act the same with your friends and grandparents?

      You keep dancing around the core of this - the discomfort from modulating your behavior in ways you don’t want to is what masking is. That’s the part that’s exhausting

      I haven’t internalized a defense mechanism, I got rid of the discomfort. I’ve decided I’m often comfortable with silence (even if others aren’t) and made peace with the fact people will misunderstand me often and stopped letting that drive my interactions

      I also code switch hard and mirror people’s speech patterns… But that’s not a defense mechanism, that’s just how I prefer to interact with the world. I like that I can fit in pretty much anywhere I want to be, it’s easy and natural for me

      That’s what it means to stop masking. You don’t change as a person, you learn to express yourself in a way that isn’t exhausting