“Tech market crashing. Massive economic down turn.”
“Russia overwhelmed, can no longer sustain war.”
“United States completely crashes. Becomes third world country.”
“Upper class mass murder! Multiple billionaires and multi millionaires assassinated!”
Members of Trump’s administration begin being prosecuted. The Supreme Clownshow didn’t give them all immunity
MAGA disintegrates in orgy of backstabbing as opportunists scramble to fill reeking power vacuum left by massive Big Mac Attack.
Free beer day at Minoqua Brewing.
Aliens invade earth, force utopia on everyone.
(short version because long it could get very complicated)
I’ll just say it’s an obituary and be confident that I won’t need to say more.
There’s an old Soviet joke:
A man goes to a newspaper stand every day, buys a copy of Pravda, glances at the front cover, curses, and throws it away.
After a few weeks of this the seller just has to ask what’s going on: “why do you always look at the cover but never inside?” “I’m looking for an obituary.” “An obituary? But those are in the back!” “Oh no, the obituary I’m looking for will be on the front page.”
Turns out I just posted this further up the page with different wording. 🙃
Trump Found Dead on Toilet
Netanyahu Assassinated, Israel Collapses
Putin Dead of Colon Cancer, Russia Retreats from Ukraine
Socialist Revolution in North Korea
Myanmar Rebels Unite and Overthrow Junta
Sudanese Anarchist Republic Recognized by UN General Assembly
Saudi Royal Family Flees Capital During Violent Uprising, Interim Government in Talks with Yemen
DRC Enacts and Enforces Stringent Labour Laws, Ebola Cases Low
Canada’s Green Party Elects first Woman Premier
China Enshrines Proportional Representation into Law
Socialist Revolution in North Korea
That would confuse so many right-winger heads.
Could cause the death of trump because he doesnt know who to suck up now
I could see Trump sending missles to keep the Kims in power.
The corporate media would obfuscate the socialist character of the revolution and call it an anti-communist revolution.
Fr haha
Socialist Revolution
in North Korea
“Ram prices plummet- Solid state memory overstock reaching critical levels”
“RAM manufacturers spotted handing out DIMMs in on the street to alleviate oversupply issues.”
“Every single AI company declared bankruptcy, all of their executives received the instant death penalty, and Donald Trump died a slow agonizing death over a 92-hour period.”
Trump sentenced to 400 years solitary confiment after being found guilty.
Drug found that can extend life to 500 years.
A quick death is too good for some
>invents immortality
>sentenced to life in prisonheheheh
In rapid succession:
-
Sustainable energy now open-source
-
Rewilding commons yields global benefits
-
Atmospheric CO2 reaches pre-industrial levels
-
World Food Programme ends human hunger
-
World Rejoices in universal debt jubilee
-
Humanity achieves intergenerational wealth for all
-
First Contact Consensus: Together, We Ascend
Wish to see that at least in my dream
-
I think a lot of us are waiting for the same headline.
There is someone who works a new stand. Everyday an elderly man walks up to the stand, looks at the news papers and the walks of in disgust.
Eventually the worker stops the old man and asks him “Why do you do that every day?”
The old man says “I am looking for a specific obituary.”
The worker says “But the obituaries are in the back on the new paper.”
The old man says “Not this one.”
I check headlines everyday for the big win. Everyone at work is planning a huge party for when it happens. If I happen to be off shift that day I’ll be dancing in the streets with everyone else.
They don’t make a beer mug big enough for the celebration that will ensue after he dies.
I don’t think it’ll matter if I’m on shift or not…
“White House confirms independent media reports that President Donald Trump has passed”
Or something like that, because we all know the white house won’t go out and say he has passed, other outlets will report it first, then at one point the white house will have to say it.
Former president executed for ultra-treason
There is a very obvious monkey paw way this one could go.
😫
Former treasonous presidents excecution botched twice
Experts agree that if he was capable of speech or understood the definition of the word, he would describe the pain as ‘constant and excruciating’
Obituary, but I keep getting the wrong ones.
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
