I’m similar. Definitely way more sluggish and depressed in summer, and my sleep is very poor even if I control the temperature. I enjoy rain and darkness. I prefer night shift. Autumn is my favorite because summer is finally over and it’s the longest time before summer comes again, plus it has the best holidays. I sleep best in winter and I’m more productive, energized, and happy.

But unlike SAD, it’s a lot harder to fix than just getting a sun lamp. I already do sleep in as dark a room as I can get during the day, but it’s never enough. Though the few times I’ve had access to a truly pitch black room to sleep in, it’s been really helpful.

It’s a weird way to be and most people really don’t understand.

It’s a fun sport to watch for so many reasons, but the first that stuck out to me when I first saw it was how fast it is. Sure, there’s a lot of ceremony and lead up between matches, but the matches themselves are short and intense. If you watch a summary that cuts straight to the matches or just have it on while you do other stuff and look up when the match is about to start, you’re basically getting nothing but highlights. Every single match is worthy of a slow mo action shot.

The more you learn about it, the more interesting it gets.

I like how all three of them have wildly different body language, and the guy on the left is not using his inside voice.

I used to get Taco Bell like twice a month because it was tasty and cheap, even if it was garbage. But when fast food prices exploded the last few years, it really lost its appeal. The quality and variety dropped, too, and it just doesn’t make any goddamn sense to drop $15 to eat at fucking Taco Bell. There are countless better options for that price. I think I maybe ate there once in the last year and nothing about it made me feel like I missed it. A bit sad since I used to enjoy it, but in the end I’m better off.

And the better it is, the harder the fall. I’m five months into a very long RPG series, but starting to approach the end. The hangover from this one is going to be absolute hell.

How much wiggle room is enough will obviously vary a lot by player, but I do truly find the older Souls games to have much more of it than people realize if you play smart. Even a little too smart in some cases.

But I feel you on the carpal tunnel. There are a few rhythm games I enjoy, but I can no longer play them on a moderate difficulty for more than an hour before the pain starts - and it takes a couple days to settle down again. I basically have to play on the lower difficulties or not at all. It was a sad day when I learned that.

Compared to most action RPGs, they’re notoriously more methodical and slower paced. But, they’re still action RPGs. Elden Ring leans more heavily towards the action where memorization and reaction times have the most influence on success. You have to learn the patterns, but good stats and gear can make it more forgiving when you make a mistake. DS leans more towards RPG, which makes it more flexible. You can play it as a pure action game and rely on good reflexes and pattern memorization, but you can also largely brute force it with a powerful character the same as many RPGs.

If you wanted to just mod Elden Ring into something more casual, the closest thing is the seamless co-op mod. But that would rely on having at least one friend to join you. It does drastically alter the balance, but I don’t think it would help the parts of the game that make it feel inaccessible if it’s a reaction time sort of thing that’s spoiling the game for you.

I myself have played nothing but slower paced and turn based games for the last couple years, so I get it. But I have had the Souls craving creeping up on me again recently.

I find their older titles more accessible because they were a bit lower budget, more experimental, and not trying so hard to cater to players who want the hardcore experience. That means the balance is all over the place, which can make the game stupidly hard if you just dive in unprepared. But it can also make the game fairly easy if you know how to cheese the bosses, where to find the OP gear, and what spots are good to quickly level up and just overpower the game. There’s nothing wrong with reading some wiki pages or watching videos ahead of time so you can play more optimally instead of floundering around and brute forcing your way through with an underpowered character.

Demon’s Souls can have long runs back when you die, but is extremely exploitable. DS1 can still be overleveled and you can sequence break to get OP gear, but there aren’t as many blatant boss exploits.

If you get really into it, you can always do challenge runs with certain restrictions, weapons, or builds. You can always make it harder to get the magic back - if the difficulty is part of the magic for you. If it’s not, then using strategy to make it easier is just improving your enjoyment.

Stories like this always make me think: that dude probably rarely thinks about what he did that day, but to the person writing the story it’s a treasured memory. We do countless kindnesses like this, big and small, then never think about them again or know how important they were to the person receiving them. It might be paying for somebody’s groceries, letting them go first when they’re in a hurry, or something you said without realizing the impact your words made.

I think about this because I’m one of many people that will scroll past a meme saying “you matter” and instantly know that it’s wrong. But this idea is the closest I get to seeing the truth in it. We’ll never know how many people are out there telling a story like this about us without even knowing our name. But they are out there - and that feels pretty nice to think about.

For me, it was studying more effectively. Whether it’s studying, cleaning, or even enjoying a hobby, I just cannot buckle down and grind through the hard part. My brain needs some minimum level of efficiency to be satisfied. If it feels like I’m working too hard without enough of a result, it’s an impossible battle.

So I figure out how to do things better. Someone already mentioned Anki flash cards, and those were great for pure memorization. But every subject - and person - is different. The key was always going off the beaten path to look for other ways and other resources rather than just trying to grind it out. If I were in school now, I’d probably ask ChatGPT a lot of questions to help me learn. But I want to stress that I’d do so very carefully.

Maybe it’s because I’m AuDHD, but I tend to have to figure out my own way of doing things anyway. I rarely expect that the way other people do it is going to work for me. So I research and experiment until I find my own unique path. That feels less awful and it’s much easier to stick with.

I’ve always had something wrong with me. The various diagnoses never fit and treatments didn’t do much. After making progress with my depression, I reaffirmed that it’s a result of my struggles, not the cause of them. So I stopped taking my meds, which never helped anyway.

At least, not how I expected. All my life, the mental fog and feeling scatterbrained was just normal. Even when starting Wellbutrin, it was mixed with other medications and ramped up so slowly that I never noticed the difference it made. But suddenly going without, I realized … oh, this has gotta be ADHD. So I got diagnosed and I’m seeing where that leads me.

It’s been a long road, and more difficult than most. But maybe soon it’ll finally get a little easier.

The same happened to one of mine. The doctor said it might stay gone after I removed it on my own (it was easy and painless) but it still came back again so we let it grow out a little until they could do their thing again. I don’t remember it being as bad the second time because there wasn’t much nail that survived the first round, so it was really just clean up. It never came back again after round two.

wtf, they took the whole nail off!? Not that I’d really mind, for the reasons you’ve stated. Ingrown toenails somehow run in my family, but when I get the permanent procedure done the doctor still just removes a slice off on the side. What made them do the entire nail?

I can assume there’s a lot of missing context and detail because a long term relationship can’t be condensed into a text post, but even then this is the hardest thing to excuse: “couples therapy would be a waste because it’s your fault anyway.” The first thing you learn in couples therapy is that blame is not helpful. You both play a role in how the relationship is going. As long as they’re convinced you’re the main problem, this can’t be fixed. It’s a flawed and hurtful assumption that actively makes the problem worse. If they can’t take some ownership over their own actions and needs, you’ll just be caught in an endless cycle of getting blamed for everything while nothing you do is ever good enough. Sound familiar?

I’m not going to assume they’re toxic or that the relationship is doomed. Those are questions worth asking yourself, but we don’t have enough information. They could also just be a normal person that never learned how to have healthy relationships when things get tough, and they’re stuck in a maladaptive pattern. It’s those people that benefit most from couple’s therapy. If you go that route, Gottman and EFT are good choices, but I understand it’s expensive. It can still be helpful to buy the books and read through them on your own (John Gottman has many, and Sue Johnson some as well). I would be wary of anybody who tries too hard to avoid or discredit it, though. That’s a red flag to me.

For your situation, once your partner stops seeing you as the problem, you can start seeing each other as allies against a problem you need to solve together. In the example you gave here, I see earplugs as a remarkably simple and effective solution that’s very easy to figure out when you’re not laser focused on the ADHD bogeyman being at fault for everything. If you’re going to be up later for whatever reason, they can just use earplugs and not be disturbed. No hurt, no rushing home, you can even take care of the dishes. If that’s not good for some reason, there are other things like white noise, sleep aids, etc. The point is to break down the problem into what each of you need, then work together to find a solution that serves both of you. No more, no less. If one of your needs is not getting met or one of you consistently has trouble doing the thing, then find a different solution.

You’ve also said they feel you don’t care because of the forgetfulness. I don’t think it’s that simple. Obviously, I would take those feelings seriously, but you can have a healthy relationship with a partner who feels cared for and be very forgetful. The problem is that the relationship isn’t healthy right now. Even if you remembered everything perfectly, that fact wouldn’t change. I think it’s more that the forgetfulness is like a trigger or a reminder of these latent feelings that are always there. But even if there are things you can do to make them feel more cared for, this didn’t happen in isolation and it didn’t happen overnight. You’re stuck in a pattern with each other based on learned expectations and reactions that built up over years. Figuring those out and learning how to untangle them is what a good couples therapist helps you with. That’s why their response to the suggestion is inexcusable.

I can’t help with your primary request, but on the chance that you aren’t able to find a better solution, it seems worth mentioning that four months is probably too long. I’m not an expert or anything, but I did look into it when I had to take a drug test. If someone has corrections to what I found, I would be interested to hear them because it may not be the last I have to deal with it either.

What I learned is that exact time varies, but two months is on the long end. One month is common. You can even test negative in as little as two weeks, but it requires specific effort and still might not be enough if the test is really strict or sensitive.

There are a lot of tricks for trying to quickly prepare for a drug test, but the most simple and reliable if you aren’t on a major time crunch is just fiber and water. Eat lots of greens and stay hydrated. That helps your body naturally get rid of the THC, making 3-4 weeks a more likely time frame.

If he’s already suffering through a detox, you can at least shorten that by quite a bit. Also, it will get easier over time. While weed is way less addictive and easier to get off of than a lot of other drugs, it still has side effects like the ones you’re describing when you try to quit.

I still hope you find a better doctor, but don’t lose hope even if you can’t. This is doable and it’s not as impossible as it seems. It is bullshit and unfair though. Best of luck to you both.

Hearsay af but I have heard of that amount being taken. The dude was never the same again, though. Whether for better or worse is harder to say. He didn’t regret it at least, and seemed to be doing well. But he definitely saw some shit.

The advice to socialize offline is good and well meaning, but it’s also not what you’re asking.

I’ve found a lot of very positive communities through smaller Twitch streams. I mean like under 50 average viewers tops, usually quite a bit smaller than even that. It’s easy if you like gaming, but there are channels for everything. The nice thing is you can just drop into a channel and lurk for a while to get the vibe, then leave if it’s not the kind of energy you’re looking for.

There are plenty of downsides. Even if it goes well, most of the people you meet will be far away. Parasocial relationships are something to be aware of to make sure you don’t fall into that trap, especially if you’re lonely. Also, there’s good and bad like anywhere else. But, it’s also common to hear people in these spaces express gratitude for the support and friendship they’ve found there that exceeded their expectations.

I don’t want to undersell or oversell it, really. It’s an option that’s easy to try and might work, but be careful like with anything. Making an effort to get out more is good, too, whenever time and energy permit. I don’t think offline and online spaces can replace each other - they each excel at different things. I hope you find your community. Or several.

I can’t remember the specific examples (surprising nobody), but I have had at least a couple occasions where I found traces of something I’d done that showed me I did actually react that exact same way some while previously and forgot about it entirely. In one case, a friend stopped mid conversation to say, “Wait. Haven’t we had this exact conversation before?,” and I while it wasn’t as concrete as finding my own evidence, I was pretty sure he was right.

It’s almost like a coping mechanism, even if I don’t do it intentionally. My life is a book, but at any given moment I might not know what happened on the last page or three. So I have to just figure it out and act how I would act even when I’m clueless.

I get it. I’ve been down that road within the last couple years after decades of “treatment resistant depression”. The treatments aren’t pseudoscience, but it might make more sense when you realize it doesn’t do anything that can’t be done without them. It just accelerates what you can already do with therapy and positive lifestyle changes - provided you do those things. It can also help people with lingering depression whose circumstances have changed for the better. I’m not saying it’s impossible for them to help you and anything is worth a shot, but I would emphasize that you get what you put in and if your circumstances are a big contributor (like they are for many of us) it’s going to be an uphill battle.

Shrooms have high potential and they’re honestly easier to get. But mindset is still important. For some people, it’s a one and done cure. For many, they need to re dose every few months. For very few, they convince themselves they’ve messed it up and make things worse. They hold the potential for radical shifts in perspective like you never imagined, but only if you’re ready.